Game over!
I caved and ate food for lunch today. And you know what? It was god damned delicious! So much for making it 10 days, eh?
Will I ever have will power? Probably not - but at least I'll have food when I want it.
So far so good (I guess). I'm cranky again today. But I do feel pretty good otherwise. I did weigh in yesterday much to the suggestions that I wait until day 10. However, now, I think I will stop weighing in and wait until Wednesday (if I make it that long). I have lost 2 pounds since Monday and as the days go by, I do tend to feel better all around with the exception of being bitter about just about every topic that comes to discussion. I still don't have a burst of energy but I have a feeling it may be coming - this based on how I'm feeling today. I'm not too tired and do feel a little more clear headed.
I did the sea salt flush last night and it's just plain awful. Some of you have asked what exactly this entails. Well, it's a quart of lukewarm water and two table spoons of sea salt. Mix and drink.
I can't stand gargling with salt water when I have a sore throat so the thought of drinking a quart (4 cups) of salt water is just wrong. I managed to drink probably 2 and a half cups and felt like I could upchuck. About an hour or so after my last drink, the flush served it's purpose. Gross.
I will not be doing the sea salt flush again until this weekend (and I may not do it then either). It's back to the tea tonight.
I would still kill for a sub from JJ's. For some reason, I can't shake this craving. All friggin week, all I've wanted is a stupid sub from there. The lovely Rachele sent me the below card last night. She knows me so well because this is exactly what I felt like doing. Will this be my MO tonight? Stay tuned....
Well, I'm still on the cleanse and while I don't find it the dumbest fucking idea ever anymore, I still feel like I'm losing my sanity because of the mind games I'm playing with myself. I actually asked Rachele today if it would be considered cheating if I took a "time out" and had one sandwich from JJ's but then went back on the cleanse right after. Of course I won't do it, but man, a sandwich sounds so yummy to me. When we were at Gail's last night, they had all sorts of yummy food out and the fantastic smell of everything of course wafted my way just to taunt me. I sat there and admired the food and everyone eating and stuck to my stupid fiber tea that tastes like bland ass. All while Steve is standing there laughing at me. Although he did say he was proud of me. Whatever.
Today is fine but I'm really tired. I'm not sure if it's because of the cleanse or because of Cole or maybe a little of both. I'm not hungry but still am playing jedi mind tricks on myself. I didn't realize food had such a strong hold over me. I mean, I did - but I didn't realize to what extent.
I am going to the gym after work and I haven't decided if I should weigh myself or not. I weighed in when I went Monday just to get an idea of where I was at. I'm torn between weighing in each trip to the gym or waiting until day 10 hits. I swore I'd just weigh on the first day and the tenth day but I know curiosity will get the better of me. I know you all just can't wait till my next post to see if I weighed in or not, huh? Bwa ha ha!!!
Otherwise, I do feel pretty good. But I don't have the burst of energy that I heard I would have on day three - maybe tomorrow. Rachele is forcing me to do a sea salt flush tonight (not really forcing but rather strongly suggested). Well Rachele, I've decided that I will do this said sea salt flush tonight but I will drink it at your house and you and Tara can bask in the glory of it all. :)
Until tomorrow...
DUMBEST. FUCKING. IDEA. EVER.
...
One day at a time. One day at a time. One day at a time......
Day 1
So far so good. Day 1 was a LOT easier than I thought it would be. The lovely little mix doesn't actually taste all that bad. Except it's got kick because of the Cayenne pepper. But I haven't had any hunger rages which is a bonus. Just going to take things one day at a time.
Day 2
Whomever got the yummy smelling lunch today can suck it. It smelled SOOO good and I am jealous that you get to eat a little taste of heaven while I get to drink warm spicy lemonade that if you swallow wrong (dont' ask), hurts - makes you feel like you're throat is slightly on fire for about 15 seconds. I'm doing well today but am longing for all my favorites that I know I simply can't have. And it's not because I'm hungry - it's because I can't have what I want and it's killing me. Everytime I start to think about how good a hot french dip would be or how yummy a sub from JJ's would be, I drink a glass of the mixture and I'm roped back to reality for about an hour or two. The smell of food is going to be the death of me today. If Steve even tries to make any type of warm and delicious dinner for himself tonight, it's totally going to be GO TIME! It would be so easy to just cave on this little experiment of mine, but I can't. I already have no will power when it comes to a lot of things so taking control over this for 10 days is a huge step for me. Aside from that, I have to prove Steve wrong. I WILL WIN! He may get seriously hurt in the process though if he doesn't stay out of the kitchen and away from the oven/microwave. One day at a time....
Thanks Angela - now I have to get all thinky and creative. Not good for a Monday... :)
6 things about me...
1) I am ADDICTED to reality TV. We record so many friggin reality TV shows it's ridiculous!
Oh, and can I say that Lo is a BEYOTCH!
2) I've always wanted to take photography classes and take up photography as a hobby (possibly more). I admire people who have done this and made it a passion.
3) I never realized I would be so smitten with my son so quickly. I knew it would be love at first sight and all that good stuff. But having him has been so amazing. He makes me want to be the best version of myself that I can be.
4) I've already planned out what I would do if I won the lottery. How much, who I would share it with, what we would do. Sad, I know. But Steve promised me we would win one day so I should probably be prepared!!
5) Sugar is my crack. I love candy and sweets like it's nobodies business. During my pregnancy, I ate candy every damn day. And yes, I'm paying for it now.
6) I hate wearing jewelry. I wear my wedding ring and band and that's about all. I have earrings and necklaces and bracelets and all that jazz but it all sits in a drawer. Luckily, Steve picked up on the fact that I am not a fan and stopped attempting to buy me pretty bling. I'm sure he's not too upset about that....
So that's what I can think of.....6 things that may not be known about me. Enjoy!
Okay....so tomorrow, I'm starting the "Ultimate Cleanse". This should be interesting. This "Cleanse" consists of drinking distilled water, lemon juice, Cayenne pepper and pure maple syrup all mixed together to make one all but tasty concoction. I get to drink this for 10 days. The only other substance I am able to take in is a fiber tea and then regular distilled water. Again, this should be interesting. I've read a lot about the cleanse as well as different variations of it and decided that the benefits far outweigh the 10 days of pure hell I'm about to attempt to endure. I hear the first two days are the worst but come day three, I'll feel great and have quite the burst of new found energy. I'm hoping this is true. Hell, I'm hoping I make it to day three. I think a majority of the reason I'm so hell bent on doing it and lasting for 10 days is because Steve is convinced that I won't last but one hour. I refuse to let him win! So my lovelies, keep me in your thoughts and please don't laugh at me. I will make sure to post updates throughout the next 10 days. Stay beautiful!
Little Dustin got baptised tonight. He is such a handsome little guy and did an amazing job!
Here are some pics from last night.
Lexi and Cole
Lexi's little man Brenden.
Yes, I do love her.
Love her too!
Words just can't describe...
Today is my last official day of maternity leave. I will be starting back at work tomorrow and am sad and very nervous. It's going to be tough to leave Cole beings I've been with him every day, all day for the past three months. I'm going to miss the little guy big time! At the same time, I'm looking forward to getting back to work and getting back into a normal routine. Although I've got to say, it's going to be pretty interesting to attempt to get myself back onto somewhat of a normal sleep schedule. No more staying up until midnight and sleeping until 9. Now, I'll more likely be in bed hopefully no later than 8 or 9 so I can be up by 4. It's going to be fun now sharing the early morning feedings with Steve. I had been doing them all since he had been working. Now it's going to be 50/50 which should be fun. I am thinking it may be a while until I post some more pics and stories - at least until I'm back into the swing of things. So here are some shots of Cole from the past week.
